I often come across things in my house that are little reminders of the past – both good and bad. This morning while getting Tyler dressed he was playing with his build-a-bear. I asked him if he remembered when he made it and he said no. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or sad at that moment. I tried to spark his memory by asking more questions like who was with us and even if he remembered daddy in a wheelchair and he still said he didn’t remember.
Then Carson walked into the room and remembered every single detail of that build-a-bear experience. “We got it a the hospital, not Hopkins though. The one with the robots that carried the medicine to the different floors. We went down from daddy’s room outside and we were there with Pops, Uncle Robbie, and I think Grandma, and you pushed Daddy in his wheelchair. And Robbie helped me pick out my Raven’s build-a-bear and daddy picked out Tyler’s Terps outfit.”
Carson had no idea how happy he made me this morning. He was 100% correct and we shared the same memory. We were visiting Dan at Sinai while he was in neuro rehab and they had a build-a-bear store in the lobby of the main hospital. I was originally sad that Tyler didn’t remember but I knew there would come a time that he would only remember his daddy through pictures and not be able to remember events because after all, he was only newly 3 when he died. His little mind can only remember so much and I guess keeping him naive is probably a good thing.
So whenever I look at these build-a-bears I will always remember that day at Sinai hospital. Even among the sickness, Dan and I always tried to make it fun for the boys and I hope that day is a happy memory for Carson.