Little reminders.

I often come across things in my house that are little reminders of the past – both good and bad. This morning while getting Tyler dressed he was playing with his photo(20)build-a-bear. I asked him if he remembered when he made it and he said no. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or sad at that moment. I tried to spark his memory by asking more questions like who was with us and even if he remembered daddy in a wheelchair and he still said he didn’t remember.

Then Carson walked into the room and remembered every single detail of that build-a-bear experience. “We got it a the hospital, not Hopkins though. The one with the robots that carried the medicine to the different floors. We went down from daddy’s room outside and we were there with Pops, Uncle Robbie, and I think Grandma, and you pushed Daddy in his wheelchair. And Robbie helped me pick out my Raven’s build-a-bear and daddy picked out Tyler’s Terps outfit.”

Carson had no idea how happy he made me this morning. He was 100% correct and we shared the same memory. We were visiting Dan at Sinai while he was in neuro rehab and they had a build-a-bear store in the lobby of the main hospital. I was originally sad that Tyler didn’t remember but I knew there would come a time that he would only remember his daddy through pictures and not be able to remember events because after all, he was only newly 3 when he died. His little mind can only remember so much and I guess keeping him naive is probably a good thing.

So whenever I look at these build-a-bears I will always remember that day at Sinai hospital. Even among the sickness, Dan and I always tried to make it fun for the boys and I hope that day is a happy memory for Carson.

Pee wee lacrosse begins.

Carson could not wait to start lacrosse. He asked last year but you have to be 5 to play pee wee so this year he was finally able to play. He started practice last week which is twice a week. Based on the fact that he won’t stop talking about it I think he loves it. He even asked if he could play in college! Let’s not grow up too fast Carson but yeah, a scholarship to Duke would please your mama.

After all, he wants to be just like his older cousins who play. Let’s just hope he stops asking to grow out his hair like them too.

It is so darn cute watching these little dudes in full gear. Here was practice last night, he is in the neon yellow tee. And yes, it was in the 40s and he was wearing shorts. I pick my battles I tell ya!

carson lacross practice

Little minds at work.

I love listening to my boys talk as they come up with what they think are the most brilliant ideas ever. Their minds are so innocent and I wish I could somehow keep it this way forever.

So Tyler got new sunglasses and could not wait for a sunny day to wear them. Today he woke up with the sun finallytyler new sunglasses shining. As we were getting dressed for the day he grabs his sunglasses, runs to the window with them on and runs back to me proclaiming “I can see daddy today, he’s up there.” Tyler is my little medium who talks to spirits by the way (more on that in another post). I asked what daddy was doing and Tyler said he was getting dressed for the day too.

Shortly after, Carson joins in and asks how long has it been since daddy died and when is his birthday because we are going to celebrate daddy without him. He asks me if it’s possible to put birthday cake wrapped in foil inside of a balloon and send it up to heaven. My response “of course we can.” How could I say no! Once I said yes, he said let’s do it on all of our birthdays so daddy can have cake too.

Way to melt my heart kid. So now I have until April 10th to figure out how to put cake inside a balloon!

Just like daddy.

The boys always want to be just like daddy whether it’s wearing Ravens gear, hoodies, baseball hats, etc and now that Dan has his hair buzzed, Carson wanted to be just like him!

Dan has always taken the boys for their haircuts and had been going to the same place for years. Carson started going when he turned 1 so even though it’s far from where we live now, he continued to go since the boys were used to it. If you have a kid, you know how traumatic it is when they get their haircuts for the first few times, right?! Tell me it’s not just us. LOL.

Anyway, I was just not into traveling that far and the boys really needed hair cuts. Carson decided he wanted to look just like daddy so he got buzzed on Saturday. Doesn’t he look cute?! He is so proud of his new buzz cut and telling everyone he looks just like daddy!

By the way, my friend Lisa owns a salon in Bel Air and cut it for us. So if you need a good salon you should go see her! We have been friends since HS and she really does a great job. I get my hair done there too. Her salon is Subtle Rebellion. Tell her I sent you!

The other apple doesn’t fall far from the tree either.

Anyone that knows us knows that we are very organized and neat, and we really hate clutter! I posted back when Carson was around 23 months old that he was showing signs of neatness (you can read the blog post here).

Well today after Dan got the kids in the car I looked over and saw that Tyler had lined up all the ride on toys along the fireplace. He had been playing with them all but I wasn’t paying much attention to what he was actually doing with them since I was too busy trying to get out the door for work.

This makes me so happy and that probably sounds crazy but who wouldn’t love a neat child?!

Carson’s 4th birthday party pics!

We celebrated the day before his birthday with his friends at a bouncy place nearby and he had a blast. So much fun that he didn’t speak to me the entire time! Every single time I tried to stop him, he would run away. I think he thought I was telling him it was time to leave or something. The 2 hours were a complete whirlwind.

Here are a few pics of the party.

Looks like daddy even had some fun….

Batman cupcakes.

The baby brother was along for the fun.

And than the next day on his real birthday, we celebrated at home with grandma, and aunt cara and family with another batman cake!

Happy Birthday my little love. I hope your 4th was everything you wished.

My letter to Carson on his 4th birthday.

Dear Carson,

I can’t believe you are 4 today. I know you’ve been telling everyone you are 4 for a while now but guess what, now you really ARE 4!!! I get so sentimental on your birthdays and I always go back and look at all the pictures I have taken over the past four years. I am truly amazed at how big you are now. You have grown into a sweet, confident, funny, intelligent, witty, sensitive, and silly little man.

I still remember all the vivid details of the day you were born and how you took your sweet time to make your appearance 9 days late. You were my first born. I always wanted a boy and you gave me that gift. YOU made me a mommy. I had no idea what I was doing but you were such an easy baby. Your giggles and smiles always assured me I was doing it all right. You slept through the night very early on and I used to check on you obsessively (just ask daddy) to make sure you were ok. Oh how I Ioved watching you sleep. In fact, four years later I still sneak up to your room when you fall asleep just to watch you. I don’t think I will ever stop loving it.

I love the little person you have become. Your imagination at the age of 4 is hilarious and I just love listening to you tell us stories. You are a great big brother and I know you can’t wait for Tyler to get a little bit bigger so you can really play together and I assure you it’s only a few short months away.

You have made me a better person. You taught me how strong I am, how capable I am to have a career and take care of my boys. I miss you so much when I am at work and love when you run to me with that great big Carson smile when I pick you up so please don’t ever stop. That smile on your face at the end of a long day and the way you tell me all about your day on the way home makes it all worth it.

I love you stinker. And please take your time getting to 5.

Love always,

Mommy